A PPB I’d like to make.

We open on a picture of David Cameron against a white background. It is tinged red.

The picture is moving from Screen left to Screen right during the voiceover.


“Remember when David Cameron said he was “the Heir to Blair” …     

 …after Tony Blair  won his third term?

The Red picture disappears screen right as a yellow tinged picture emerges from screen left and begins to make the same journey.


“Or when David Cameron  said he was “a Liberal conservative”…

 …when he needed liberal votes?”

The Yellow tinged picture disappears screen right and we see a Green tinged picture from screen left, replacing it.  


“or when David Cameron  said we should  “Go green, vote Blue” and installed a windmill on his house?”

 …until people said they didn’t like green taxes?”

The Green Tinged  picture disappears screen right and we see a Blue tinged picture from screen left, replacing it. 

The blue picture stays in the middle of the screen. So we have to look at it throughout the next voiceover.


“But then David Cameron realised he was a Tory after all.

He said he’d cut taxes for millionaires but not for working families

The Tories called for cuts in regulation of mortgages, so banks could do what they liked.

and David Cameron said he would slash spending on public services while giving a hand out to multi millionaires and big business.”

During the next V/O we begin to pull out  from the Blue picture.  It is a pretty unattractive, after all.


“But people didn’t like David Cameron’s true colours much.

So now he’s trying to change his image.. again.

As we pull out, the Blue picture begins to move, in the opposite direction from before (towards screen left).

It is replaced first by the Green picture, then the Yellow picture and finally by the Red picture.

 As we slowly pull out it is clear the pictures are moving around a central axis and are replacing each other on the screen. 

We hear a whistling sound, as the voiceover resumes.


“So now we know the real reason the Tories like windmills.

They go whichever way the wind blows.”

As we pull out, we see that the four pictures of David Cameron are the four leaves of a windmill, spinning around in the wind.

We hear “any way the wind blows doesn’t really matter to meeeeeeeee”  from Queen.

Fade to Black.




21 Responses to “A PPB I’d like to make.”

  1. Brian Hughes

    Lovely, you must start work on it at once!

    You should concede perhaps though that their man has balls, how else could he keep a straight face when speaking about chaps on the fiddle in New York’s financial sector or elsewhere when he was always in the vanguard of his Party’s endless calls for less regulation of the financial sector “they can regulate themselves”?

    Their man has balls and needs a good kicking; it looks as though the Great British Public may have woken up to his many shortcomings and might give him one cometh the election…

  2. newmania

    Your version of what the Conservative “Colours ” really are , though is a lie isn`t it . I think you must be refferring to inheritance tax which Labour followed and perhaps to John Redwood`s report which was rejected. You

  3. Liam Murray

    Wonderfully clever and if it does ever surface I hope its provenance isn’t lost.

    On a slightly more partisan note I’ll add how wonderfully shameless such a pitch would be from the party (in living memory) of unilateral disarmament, utility nationalisation and 90%+ top tax rates. Granted your backgrounds would simply be deeper & deeper shades of red but you get my point….

    “When the facts change I change my mind Sir…..” etc.

  4. tim f

    Wonderful. Of course, the beauty of the internet is you can actually make it and show us it rather than just describe it.

  5. hopisen

    Tim – How? Srsly.

    I’ve got Windows movie maker, but it doesn’t seem to allow me to do anthing fun.

    What can I do to make this video, bearing in mind I have zero video or image skills

  6. newmania

    What about an ooze of enveloping brown filling the screen and the words ‘five more years of the same thing “ , just to emphasise the contrast ? I had an idea I thought was good , based on the end of planet of the apes its such a good line “Damn you! Damn you all to hell….” unfortunately I keep straying into the overly figurative with Britannia barely visible over a sea of debt , that sort of thing . Good line though” You blew it up ! Damn you ! Damn you all to hell ! “

  7. Tudor Evans

    Mine’s a poster, not a video:

    The Bullingdon Club photo, with the caption below:

    If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face … forever

  8. Letters From A Tory

    The lack of references, the pathetic bias and the ill-informed criticism makes you look rather stupid.

    Keep up the good work!

  9. newmania

    If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face … forever

    Ah yes the boot belonged to English Socialism ie , it is on the other foot . Well chosen dummy

  10. hopisen

    Out of interest, is it only _my_ bias that’s pathetic or is it a general, all embracing anti-bias stance you’re taking?

    I’d hate to discover that my bias was pathetic but Sadie Smith’s was really cool.

  11. ChrisP

    So appealing to all parts of t he electorate, like Tony Blair the elction winning machine – is a bad thing. New Labour New Danger was a roaring success why dont you try new tories new danger.

    Seriously labour already tried this with the chameleon. It won’t work because Cameron is a likeable guy. He isnt Michael Howard who people wanted to dislike.

    I expect this will be what Labour does at the next election as they will have no choice. You can hardly do optimistic when you have an incompetent PM whose communication skills are summed up with his ‘saving the world’ gaffe and a ministerial team who have shorn of any talent by Brown ceaser complex.

    Can labour come across as positive at any point, or will it be more of the ridiculous top hat nonsense.

  12. asquith

    You will recall, Newmania, that Ingsoc took the name of “English Socialism” whilst making a mockery of everything the original socialists stood for. In fact the very name was an act of mockery.

    Actually, that’s a pretty accurate reference to Blair/Brown…

  13. tudor evans

    Just thought of another one.

    Picture of the Bullingdon Club.

    “Not Gordon. Just Flashman.”

    Wadya think Newmania?

  14. Chris Paul

    PS Cameron is a “likeable guy” in the same way as nice but dim Tim. Not quite as dim. But no one wants plummy Dave running or ruining the country in a crisis. He’ll have to wait.

  15. foxinparliament

    Cameron remains the great pretender, he pretends to care for society when only the rich with do.

    He makes out he is in touch with society, when really he is fed the lines from Conservative Central Office.

    He pretends he knows how to lead? when reality is he has but only to objectives in wanting to be PM…

    1. Bring back Fox Hunting, because he feels unable to go a month without some poor animal being ripped apart for his amusement.

    2. Ensure the rich stay rich and that everyone else can go back to being their servants.


    A vote for Cameron would be like saying?

    I no longer need the NHS to be free at the point of use…..

    I no longer need my children to be taught in state schools….

    I no longer need the minimum wage

    I no longer believe in community

    I no longer need any public services

    I no longer need public transport

    For in Dave’s world your just a drain on society!

    After all if you have not been part of the Burlington Club where have you been?


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